As a child I used to play a game that my sisters and I called the blind game. Not very creative, but there it is. I've played this game a few times with my kiddos over the years too. Basically one person wears a blindfold for a specified amount of time and is essentially blind, while the others try to either help or hinder the progress of the blindfolded individual. It's good for a laugh.
Problem is, I'm not a very good blind person. My arms are always flailing about, feeling for anything that might be in my way, even in a space where I'm positive of the layout. I'm not very trusting. I walk slowly, taking baby steps to feel my way to where I'm headed, constantly fearful of the moment when someone playfully sneaks up behind me and scares a good five years off of my life.
Most of the time this is how walking though life feels. We take baby steps, not really sure of God's direction. Does He want me to turn left or right? Say yes or no? Move forward or stay still? It's hard to definitively know where to place that next step.
But every now and then God grants us a glimmer of clarity, a moment to peer into the future, a peace about a specific direction. I love those moments. Even when they oppose where I previously thought He wanted me to go.
I've been holding so tightly to my dream of (someday) publication and everything the goes along with it...all the social media, the blogging, everything. But if I'm honest (with you and myself) I just don't have the time, the energy or the passion for it...at least not now anyway. My babies need more of my time. And quite frankly, I'm happy to give it to them.
What I've been sensing so clearly is that I need to open up my tightly fisted hands and give my dreams back to Him- the creator of time, the source of our strength and energy and the gifter of our passions.
At the beginning of the year, I chose my one word for 2013. The word that resonated with me over and over was relationships. I thought that meant to foster and build relationships via social media, to deepen my existing relationships, but what now seems very apparent to me is that my desire for relationship hasn't been for the friendship variety (although the friends I've met online have greatly brightened my life and I love you all!) but for the Almighty one. I am experiencing a deep hunger to spend all my free time digging deeper into His word and somehow that desire has trumped any of my previously treasured plans and dreams. Funny how that happens, huh? :)
This doesn't mean that I want to unplug altogether. I still love to read your blogs and visit with you all on Facebook. What it does mean is that my neglected little blog will cease to exist. It also means that I will finally be free of that eternal feeling of failure as I strive to meet self-imposed writing goals only to fall far short.
I'm happy about my decision and so very at peace to be walking confidently with my blindfold on toward the One that gives all good things. If writing enters my life again, it will be on His terms and not mine. And I'm okay with that.
Much love and hugs!
(Heather Sunseri and Joanne Bischof, I owe you both reviews for Mindspeak and Though my Heart is Torn. Since my blog is no longer, I will gladly post my thoughts on Amazon and any other site that will let me. Rest assured they were glowing reviews anyway! So one last shout out to anyone who needs a book recommendation. Both were stellar!) :)
